One lesson I am learning in my middle age that I never learned before is how to stand up for myself. In doing so, I am also learning to defend others. Even though I am at the seminary for becoming a Pastor, I am constantly learning how self-centered I have become in my life. There is no one to blame except myself for what I have become. I can't blame my parents (which would put me on Oprah) and I can't blame God because he has given me through the Holy Spirit everything I need to combat this sinful nature.

The first thing I am learning is that I am an adult who needs not to justify his actions with anyone else. It was recently pointed out to me by someone I deeply respect that I carry myself in a defensive nature. The way I sit at the table and the way that I respond when when someone asks me about something I said I would do or that needs to be done is defensive. I give an excuse for just about everthing I do. I started thinking, "Why do I do this?" Why do I feel that I have to justify myself for everything?

I used to and still do on occasion, tell someone in my family what I bought at a store, why I bought it and how much it cost. Why do I feel the need to do this? I don't owe anyone an explanation.

There are a lot of behaviors that I am working to change in my life. Behaviors that have been detrimental in my closest relationships. I know that they may take years to see them play out the way that I want them to, but I am doing them nonetheless. I am stopping this language my father-in-law calls "procrastinative" I have said, "I am going to do xyz" now I am working at saying, "I am doing xyz" or "I need to clean the garage." to "I am cleaning the garage."

I need to be more considerate of my partner by trying to be a better partner myself. So for now I ask that everyone please be patient with me because God isn't finished with me yet. I need your prayers that God will work with me to change those things which are necessary to making me be less self-centered and more Christ-centered.

I will keep you posted on God's success at helping me change my ways and life.

Scott Strohkirch